Still Lost

Apr. 27th, 2015 01:04 am
nemesais: (Default)
Still confused about a lot of things. Sometimes I wish I could hide in a corner and just be lost to my thoughts. I'm happier living in a little fantasy then the real world. At least I feel better about myself there and I don't need to worry about anything. I wish I was alone. I just realized why I despise being in a relationship. It just doesn't click. It just doesn't work for me. And that is what happens when you don't love yourself. It's impossible to love someone else. That, and being with someone just annoys me.
That is all. 
nemesais: (Default)
 Well, I finished another part for my patient case study. So far I have done the list of medications with the information and the labs which took me 3 days. There were over 50 labs I had to write about. Tomorrow I'll work on the easier part which is the information about the medical diagnose. It's about CVA (stroke). Kind of chokes me up since mom suffered two of those and well...*sighs* I hate walking into the hospital because it reminds me of her. It was where she passed away, so it's hard for me to even go there. 
I played some more Rift today. Got to level 20 on a battle cleric (druid/shaman/inquisitor). It's getting a little slow to level up but luckily there's plenty to do in that game. Especially the Rift events which give stuff...I also like searching for artifacts to collect. Wish there was a way to tell where they're located at. I did find a lot of them. Like 4 in one spot. So that was awesome. Wish I had somebody to play with though...
Saw a movie today on Amazon Prime called The Ouija Experiment. It was the most horrible movie ever. It's "found footage" with terrible acting. It had a decent storyline but the bad acting ruined it. It would have had potential if the acting was a little better. One of the actresses was just annoying and yeah. It was just a dumb movie. More comedy than horror to be honest.
Maybe I'll finish watching Death Note tonight. Or just listen to music. Or read. By the way, I cannot finish Prince Lestat for the life of me. It just got ridiculous with all of the Apple product promoting and the dragging on of weird storylines. I'll finish it eventually just like Blackwood Farm which took me ages to read.
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 I am bored. I have spent the whole weekend stuck at home, doing nothing just homework and fixing my binder for class. The life of a nursing student is the most boring and stressful thing ever. I am constantly studying and doing work just to keep ahead. I have lost interest in video games and reading. I'm not sleeping properly, I can tell by the way my body feels every morning. Today is a day where I would love to be sleeping instead of having to go to class. I now take a new class on Mondays and Wednesdays, with clinical practice on Fridays. But soon I will finish and it will be worth it.
I'm not sure if I want to stay for class today or just go on Wednesday. I mean, it's the first day and they don't really do much on first days. But I have to go to the university to get some copies and let my clinical practice partner get copies of the assignment...I did this on my own I don't even know why. I guess I was just so bored and didn't have anything else to do. Next one I'll let her help me out. I could always take care of that and come back home. I am too tired to stay listening to rubbish tonight. The class is from 4:30 - 7:30 pm. I really don't feel like being there and having to drive home at that hour. I have fallen asleep before while driving and I'm afraid tonight I may do the same and get myself killed.
Did I mention that my right arm feels like it's about to fall off? Because it is. I have written so much these past days that my arm hurts. I hate the way I have to put so much pressure to write...bad habits. That's why I prefer using ink pens, but oh well. I'm also broke. I need money. Haven't sold a damn thing on EBay in months. What else can I possibly do to get some money? I can't work as a nurse because I don't have a provisional license at the moment...I really need to get my act together and study for that dumb test, this way I can finally get a job and get money coming in. Of course, I don't want to spend it on stupid crap. I will put it in the bank, buy some stuff I would need and help dad with the bills...and some stuff around the house. He has done a lot for me all these years, it's time to give back.
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 I am so pissed off with my professor. I contacted her via email on Saturday to inform her that I haven't been able to go to class because I am very ill. She still has not replied. So today I contacted  the director of the nursing department to let her know that my professor has not communicated with me and I need to speak to her urgently. I do not intend to fail my class because of this idiot who is being negligent. I am being responsible and excusing myself. I sent them an attachment of my medical excuse from the hospital and prescription. It clearly says that I cannot assist the nursing practice until I am better, unless I want to go around compromising the patients health. Which I do not want to do, mind you. Tomorrow I will go to the university and speak to the director personally. I also need to enroll in my last class. So much shit to do and feeling like hell. God damn it, nothing ever goes well, does it?
Today I didn't do much. They were cutting the grass around where we live so of course I felt worse because of my allergies. I was so choked up and literally dying. I hate when they cut the grass. I always feel crappy afterwards. I also played Sherlock Holmes and the Hound of the Baskervilles. It's a hidden-object game but it was so good and addicting. I almost got all of the achievements, just missing 4/38. So during the week I will replay it since it has to be done on hard mode. Can't wait. First time completing a full game like that. Really enjoyed it and recommend it, if you like hidden-object and puzzle games.
Now I'm watching YouTube videos because I am not tired. Just stressed out and frustrated. My throat feels horrible as well. I also did some drawings today. I drew Entoan as a kitty because he's so adorable and he makes me smile. I uh, 10/10 would bang that guy. Yep. Would love that in my bed every minute of the yeah, lovely fantasies, right? I don't think it's a bad thing. Having fantasies is okay in my opinion. Damn it, it's not like I'm ever going to meet the guy and actually sleep with him or marry him. But wishful thinking, heh? Sex on on legs. I have a thing for guys with long hair and piercings. Fuck my life.
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 So I have a bad cold, again. It started last Wednesday, went to my doctor on Friday and she said it was a cold. So she just gave me Zyrtec, antibiotics and a cream for my face (been getting a red spot at times on it, she said she can't say for certain it's rosacea). On Saturday I got worse and had to put up with it on the weekend. I couldn't even get out of bed so I missed our health fair. I'm upset because I don't want to be missing class and I'm trying my best, but I can't do much sick. Especially since we start practice at the hospital soon. 
I called my doctor again and they gave me an appointment for Thursday. That is way too long so dad took me to the hospital. They gave me some kind of syrup, an injection and ran a CBC test. Just a bad cold. Got some meds and sent home, but I cannot go to the practice until I am better. Wouldn't be nice to go take care of patients with a damn cold to begin with.
I feel like hell. I haven't been sick like this, ever. That's twice in a row already. Also, my good friend Marilyn is hospitalized again. I can't go visit her like this because she'll get worse! I text her everyday to make sure everything is okay and to keep up-to-date on her. I hope she'll feel better soon and quickly.
Not much has happened. I did receive a letter from my boyfriend today. For those of you who don't know, he's in the coast guard basic training all the way in Jersey. He's not doing too well and is very stressed out. I knew that would happen since he isn't the type of person to be in that kind of job. I just hope he makes it out in one piece and with no problems. I'm afraid he may end up needing psychological therapy after the basic training...poor guy.


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