Untitled

May. 15th, 2015 09:31 pm
nemesais: (Default)
 I wish I could write a letter and just get it over with. I wish I weren't such a coward. I have so much pain inside, my heart can't take it anymore. All I want is to sleep forever. I want to just leave. Maybe then I won't be a burden to anyone. I'm tired. Emotionally drained. I'm physically and mentally exhausted already. 
 
I wish there was a way to just shut down this feeling. If there is, I'm having a hard time doing that. And if I do achieve it, it's not for too long. It always creeps back into my mind. One day I'm fine and feeling great and then the next day I'm dying a little more inside. Those feelings of being unloved, unwanted, worthless, useless...
 
Maybe I should just give up and rid of myself. I just can't take it anymore...it's just too much pain for one individual. 
nemesais: (Default)
 I am bored. I have spent the whole weekend stuck at home, doing nothing just homework and fixing my binder for class. The life of a nursing student is the most boring and stressful thing ever. I am constantly studying and doing work just to keep ahead. I have lost interest in video games and reading. I'm not sleeping properly, I can tell by the way my body feels every morning. Today is a day where I would love to be sleeping instead of having to go to class. I now take a new class on Mondays and Wednesdays, with clinical practice on Fridays. But soon I will finish and it will be worth it.
 
I'm not sure if I want to stay for class today or just go on Wednesday. I mean, it's the first day and they don't really do much on first days. But I have to go to the university to get some copies and let my clinical practice partner get copies of the assignment...I did this on my own I don't even know why. I guess I was just so bored and didn't have anything else to do. Next one I'll let her help me out. I could always take care of that and come back home. I am too tired to stay listening to rubbish tonight. The class is from 4:30 - 7:30 pm. I really don't feel like being there and having to drive home at that hour. I have fallen asleep before while driving and I'm afraid tonight I may do the same and get myself killed.
 
Did I mention that my right arm feels like it's about to fall off? Because it is. I have written so much these past days that my arm hurts. I hate the way I have to put so much pressure to write...bad habits. That's why I prefer using ink pens, but oh well. I'm also broke. I need money. Haven't sold a damn thing on EBay in months. What else can I possibly do to get some money? I can't work as a nurse because I don't have a provisional license at the moment...I really need to get my act together and study for that dumb test, this way I can finally get a job and get money coming in. Of course, I don't want to spend it on stupid crap. I will put it in the bank, buy some stuff I would need and help dad with the bills...and some stuff around the house. He has done a lot for me all these years, it's time to give back.
 

Profile

nemesais: (Default)
nemesais

July 2015

S M T W T F S
   1234
567 8910 11
12 1314 15161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Most Popular Tags