nemesais: (entoan plushie)
Today I went out with dad. We bought a few things at the hardware store. He bought me a blender! I'm so happy because I've always wanted one. Now I can make smoothies and stuff. He also got me heavy duty carpets for my SUV so the original ones don't get dirty. After that we got frozen yogurt then came home. I worked out for 30 minutes today since the previous day I had done 60 minutes. I really hope I'm making progress. I feel great about myself (emotionally and mentally). I'll be upset though if my weight hasn't changed much.

I got my laptop back but I doubt I'll be able to play Smite anymore. I need to get a better cooling pad for it. I'll buy it soon. Then when I start working I can get a better PC.

Anyways, nothing much has happened. Washed my hair and now I'm watching Investigation Discovery. They have some shows on Ted Bundy. It may sound weird, but I like stuff about true crimes. Anything to do with psychology or psychiatry are my favorite things. And paranormal subjects as well.
nemesais: (Default)
Today was my graduation from UMET but I didn't go. It was at 8 am in San Juan. We had to be there at around 7:30 am which would be impossible...So instead dad took me to Sizzler's for dinner. We had the buffet plus ordered a side dish of shrimps. They were pretty good. I wish they had a wider variety in the buffet though. They always have the same menu, which gets boring. But we had a good time and we couldn't even breathe or move afterwards. I didn't really eat much to be honest. However, I had 2 large glasses of iced tea which is fine, I've been drinking plenty of water, no juice and definitely no soda. After I got home, I waited 2 hours and did 40 minutes of exercise. Feeling great.

Yesterday I got to hang out with Allison. We went to the movies to watch Insidious Chapter 3. It was a cool movie with plenty of jump scares and disturbing images. I never watched Insidious Chapter 2, so I have to see that one soon. I really want to go see Jurassic World. I hope it's a good one. Also can't wait to see Sinister 2. Now that movie is amazing.
nemesais: (Default)
Today I woke up feeling like hell because last night I was so hyper and couldn't sleep. I think I feel asleep at around 4 am and only because I forced myself. I got up at 12 pm and ate some tortillas with cheese, then had an applesauce for a snack. For lunch I had some cereal. I did 30 minutes of exercise on the treadmill. I wanted to do more but I was very exhausted and decided not to push myself. However, I did exercise for 50 minutes yesterday so it's fine to me. Hopefully tonight I could get better rest and do 40-50 minutes exercise tomorrow.

I have been feeling better than ever. I am happier, positive, stronger. I am not stressed out or constantly negative anymore. Being with that person did me more harm than good. I am glad that I decided to move on and work on focusing on myself. I have opened my eyes and my heart. I have learned to accept myself and my past events. I feel at peace with myself. I no longer need to put up with negativity. I will keep thinking only positive thoughts no matter how difficult the situation may be. I will not let myself fall once again. My mistake was depending on the wrong person in order to find happiness. I just ended up losing myself to someone who walked all over me. Nobody should ever make others feel bad just to make themselves feel superior and good about them.

I now smile more often. I laugh more. I no longer cry myself to sleep. I no longer feel that I have to change to please others. I am slowly picking up the pieces and putting my life together again. I have finished my Bachelor's degree in nursing with cum laud. Soon I will take the nursing state test (dunno how it's called?) and eventually find a job. I cannot wait to move on and find a better future.

I now find things to focus on to distract my mind. I have been watching anime (something I never did before), crocheting, reading more often, exercising, cooking, etc. So far it has been working fine. I love who I have become. Thank you mom for giving me strength.
nemesais: (Default)
 I am not going to be talking so openly about my personal thoughts anymore, as there are people who dislike what I write about...even though it's MY blog, my facebook, my twitter. If you do not like what I write about, get the hell out. Simple. Everyone vents when they are angry, sad, depressed, etc. Why can't I do the same? But whatever. As I said, if you don't like it then don't read it.
 
Today I worked out earlier and studied some for my final nursing exam on Wednesday. Possibly will study some more later on. I want to do good on this test since it's worth 75% of the class I believe. In other words, if I don't pass it I won't graduate. I want to graduate and get away from that university. I also want to get everything together and get my provisional license so I can work. 
 
Today I realized that nobody is going to help me except myself. No professional, no friends, no family. Just me. I have accepted everything in my life. I have accepted that mom is no longer here physically. I have accepted that I will never be a stick figure. I have accepted change and I will achieve it, with or without you. Don't come tell me that you care and you wish to help. No you don't. If you did, you would have been there from the start. I don't need any of you, I can do this on my own. I will show you all that I am strong. And when you finally see this change, I will no longer accept YOU in my life.
 
Don't be "alarmed" by what I write or how I act. I'll be fine. I am fine. I am at peace and I am positive. Those who try to bring me down can just move along. Like I said, I don't need  you in my life.
 

Untitled

May. 15th, 2015 09:31 pm
nemesais: (Default)
 I wish I could write a letter and just get it over with. I wish I weren't such a coward. I have so much pain inside, my heart can't take it anymore. All I want is to sleep forever. I want to just leave. Maybe then I won't be a burden to anyone. I'm tired. Emotionally drained. I'm physically and mentally exhausted already. 
 
I wish there was a way to just shut down this feeling. If there is, I'm having a hard time doing that. And if I do achieve it, it's not for too long. It always creeps back into my mind. One day I'm fine and feeling great and then the next day I'm dying a little more inside. Those feelings of being unloved, unwanted, worthless, useless...
 
Maybe I should just give up and rid of myself. I just can't take it anymore...it's just too much pain for one individual. 

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nemesais

July 2015

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