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 This week has been a bad week. Mostly bad in an emotional way, I guess you can say? Just very stressed out, frustrated, angry, upset...everything at once. I have been trying to put it in the back of my mind, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Hopefully tomorrow I could distract myself doing homework and getting stuff done.
 
I finish university on May 21. I'm excited yet scared at the same time. We graduate in June, and then I would have to do the stuff so that I could go take the nursing exam. I hope that I will pass that test in one shot. I don't want to fail it. I just want to get ahead and move on with life. Finish school, get my license, get a job. Yet I am terrified and I am not sure why. I just need to relax, that's all. Relax and think positive things. I will do this. I can do this. I will be a somebody in the future. I will make my parents proud...and also myself.
 
I started working out on Tuesday again. It took me a long time to give myself that push. I need to lose weight again and get somewhere. I was down to 220 pounds yet I'm back to 236. I know most of it is because of stress eating and feeling like hell (thank you depression) but I have also slacked off. So hopefully I will lose weight and feel better. I also want to look better, but it's not for anyone else, only myself. I have never been happy with my looks. I guess the only thing I really like about myself are my eyes. Other than that I despise myself...everything. 
 
Still thinking about what to do with my relationship. I feel like it's not working out anymore. I don't feel the same way anymore. What's the point of trying if it's not fixable?
 
nemesais: (Default)
Sorry for the lack of updates. I have been lazying around and trying to rest. Unfortunately, I am not sleeping as well as I should be. I woke up at 4 am last night and it has been like that for like 2 weeks now. Probably more. Today I sent an email to Preven, which is a government agency that deals with birth control and stuff (basically they help you pay for the methods), inviting them to our health fair on Thursday. I already got a confirmation from the Red Cross that they're attending the fair. I am also in charge of making the cakes to give to the guests. I hope tomorrow some of the people in my class give me the boxes of cake mix and frosting to make them. I also need to buy an extra baking pan so I could bake two cakes at the same time. Anyways, last Saturday my boyfriend was able to call me. He sounded a lot better than before although he is still on probation. He is supposed to come back this Saturday, if all goes well. I hope to see him soon. I miss him even though he's annoying sometimes. I guess I'm still not used to being with someone like this. I'm not good with relationships. Not even good with friendships. Ugh, I just want to finish classes and study for the nursing test. I hope to pass that damn thing in one shot and get my license and eventually a good job.
nemesais: (Default)
 I received a letter from my boyfriend today. He's doing worse than I thought. Apparently he passed his midterms but because he forgot to flip a cup in the cafeteria, he is now on probation. I suppose it's because he's had a lot of warnings and punishments. Today they were going to let him know if they're going to revert him (restart the training or send him back). He is also going into some motivational program for 5 days (this would be the third time he's been there). I don't know what to think about this anymore. He is obviously doing horribly. I knew this wasn't for him. I called his mom to tell her about it and she said the same thing. Hopefully he'll pass everything and just come back. I'm also hoping he doesn't turn into an aggressive asshole.
 
I passed by my eye doctor today. I asked them to give me a sample pair of contact lenses. The Air Optix just isn't doing it for me. I prefer my Acuvue Oaysis lenses which were more comfortable. So I got a pair of those to make sure that the discomfort I feel in my eyes is either the lenses or because of a side effect from the birth control pills. I'm sure it's the lenses though. So I'll buy the Acuvue instead, same price.
 
I tried to play Rift tonight but it kept kicking me from the game. Not sure why. It was also kind of lagging on me. Sucks. I miss my laptop. Hopefully I will get it fixed soon because this one my boyfriend left me is crappy...Sony, heh. 
nemesais: (Default)
 Today officially starts my 1 week of Spring Break. Which isn't really a vacation since I have to finish a project for class. It's fine with me, it's not like I do much anyways. I'm not one to go out and hang out with people, or go to parties and get stupid drunk (I don't even drink btw). I'd rather stay home reading, watching movies or shows, playing games...sleeping. Sleeping is always nice.
 
I talked to my boyfriend's mom today. I was worried since I haven't heard from him in a while. Apparently they were given permission to make calls since they passed their midterms. They were only able to talk for 5 minutes though. I guess he's okay. He asked her to call me and let me know. So this is their 5th week, they complete training in about 3 weeks. I hope he passes. He has gone through a lot with this.
 
Nothing interesting has really happened. Just bored as usual. Been playing some Rift since I got bored of Guild Wars 2. That's something that bugs me about myself. I tend to get bored easily of stuff. But yeah. Now with this time off, hopefully I can catch up on finishing reading some books and watching some tv shows. Also, goal is to complete this project and just get it over with. I want to do well this last semester, so I am giving it my all.
 
I really need my laptop. I'm probably going to end up buying a new one or something because it's ridiculous. I have no money coming in, so it's making it even more difficult. I can't wait until I graduate, get my license and get my ass to work. I will have sweet money coming in for myself and to help out dad. I also need to buy my contact lenses...argh. So many things.
nemesais: (Default)
 I received a third letter from my boyfriend today. Apparently, he's doing much worse than before. He keeps getting punished for minor things and was even sent to some motivation program where he was forced to do excessive exercising. I feel pretty bad for him, especially since he is someone who is not used to that type of regime. He's a really shy, quiet and patient person. I'm afraid that by the time he comes back, he will be a different person. Someone scary. Someone angry.
 
Yesterday was our first day of practice at the hospital. We were assigned a partner and then given a patient whom we had to interview to complete an admission history (basically collecting patient data). We had to do vital stats, a physical examination and ask questions. The professor then dragged me to another patient so I could take out blood for some labs. I was pretty nervous since the last time I took out blood was about 4 years ago. Thankfully, everything went smoothly and the patient had great veins despite being an elderly man. Professor said I did an excellent job. I'm actually happy and cannot wait for next week.
 
Right now I'm doing some homework which is due for next Friday. It's just writing about the patient's condition (which was acute coronary syndrome). We have to summarize the etiology, signs and symptoms, medical treatment and nursing interventions. Then we have to complete the admission history, a nursing care plan and focus charting (nursing notes). Everything except the nursing notes is easy for me. I still need practice on notes.
 
Oh, last night our neighbor gave us a chicken! We got a fat hen with 9 baby chicks. Unfortunately, when we let them out today in the yard, my dog ate one of the chicks. I was so upset and disgusted. I know it's animal instinct but oh goodness...the poor babe. He ate the whole damn bird! This dog is something, he acts as if he had never eaten. So I'm still upset by that. The neighbor stopped by and helped us tie the hen in our fenced off garden so she doesn't run off and leave the chicks behind. He also helped us build a cage for them. So yeah, they're sleeping in there tonight. 
 
I was supposed to do some cleaning around the house, but I had to do my college work. Still working on it. I guess cleaning will have to wait until tomorrow. I have quite a headache, so the rest of this work will probably be finished tomorrow as well.
 

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nemesais

July 2015

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