So Sorry

Jun. 23rd, 2015 12:31 pm
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Terribly sorry for the lack of updates here. Our internet service has been real shit lately. We've been having issues since the 14th of June and these people have the worst customer service now since they switched companies. Hopefully today a technician will come and check the lines (which I doubt). Also, we have no power, yay! The service has been out since 4 pm yesterday and nothing yet. I tried calling them all day yesterday but the call wouldn't get through. I guess they decided to not pick up the phones. They can't be bothered to do much because they hate their job, apparently. It took me an hour in a half to get through to them today. Supposedly they're fixing the problem. I think not. I despise this island and the horrible government we have.

Anyways, about to eat lunch I guess. Not sure what to cook yet. But I have to eat something or else I'm going to feel sick since my glucose levels have been spiking low lately. Doctor said I should eat 6 times a day: 3 meals and 3 snacks. I'm trying but I can't eat if I'm not hungry. Yesterday I had a nutella frozen yogurt and I was sick afterwards. I'm not sure what happened, but I was throwing up most of the afternoon thanks to that. At least I felt a lot better in the evening and was able to do my exercises without a problem.

Yesterday I received my three subscription boxes! I got from Loot Crate, 1Up Box and Kawaii Box. The Loot Crate and 1Up box had great goodies. I wasn't signed up for Loot Crate, however I did win one box from Dlive's charity stream. I don't really like Loot Crate since the stuff that comes in the boxes don't interest me. This box was amazing though. I may consider subscribing sometime later. The only box that was a little disappointing was the Kawaii Box. I don't think it's worth the price for what comes inside. Lots of cute things, but they can be bought elsewhere for cheaper. I did order a second box though and I hope it was just a bad month for them. I hope...I made a reviews blog where I will try to review stuff from now on. I am no expert at writing a beautiful, amazing review but I will give my honest opinion on stuff and put up pictures. You can find my new blog here.

I guess I'll post up pictures from my past 1Up Boxes since I got the stuff together and took some photos of them (by some I mean a lot). This way you guys can get an idea of what awesome goodies come in them each month.

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Today I woke up feeling like hell because last night I was so hyper and couldn't sleep. I think I feel asleep at around 4 am and only because I forced myself. I got up at 12 pm and ate some tortillas with cheese, then had an applesauce for a snack. For lunch I had some cereal. I did 30 minutes of exercise on the treadmill. I wanted to do more but I was very exhausted and decided not to push myself. However, I did exercise for 50 minutes yesterday so it's fine to me. Hopefully tonight I could get better rest and do 40-50 minutes exercise tomorrow.

I have been feeling better than ever. I am happier, positive, stronger. I am not stressed out or constantly negative anymore. Being with that person did me more harm than good. I am glad that I decided to move on and work on focusing on myself. I have opened my eyes and my heart. I have learned to accept myself and my past events. I feel at peace with myself. I no longer need to put up with negativity. I will keep thinking only positive thoughts no matter how difficult the situation may be. I will not let myself fall once again. My mistake was depending on the wrong person in order to find happiness. I just ended up losing myself to someone who walked all over me. Nobody should ever make others feel bad just to make themselves feel superior and good about them.

I now smile more often. I laugh more. I no longer cry myself to sleep. I no longer feel that I have to change to please others. I am slowly picking up the pieces and putting my life together again. I have finished my Bachelor's degree in nursing with cum laud. Soon I will take the nursing state test (dunno how it's called?) and eventually find a job. I cannot wait to move on and find a better future.

I now find things to focus on to distract my mind. I have been watching anime (something I never did before), crocheting, reading more often, exercising, cooking, etc. So far it has been working fine. I love who I have become. Thank you mom for giving me strength.
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 This week has been a bad week. Mostly bad in an emotional way, I guess you can say? Just very stressed out, frustrated, angry, upset...everything at once. I have been trying to put it in the back of my mind, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Hopefully tomorrow I could distract myself doing homework and getting stuff done.
I finish university on May 21. I'm excited yet scared at the same time. We graduate in June, and then I would have to do the stuff so that I could go take the nursing exam. I hope that I will pass that test in one shot. I don't want to fail it. I just want to get ahead and move on with life. Finish school, get my license, get a job. Yet I am terrified and I am not sure why. I just need to relax, that's all. Relax and think positive things. I will do this. I can do this. I will be a somebody in the future. I will make my parents proud...and also myself.
I started working out on Tuesday again. It took me a long time to give myself that push. I need to lose weight again and get somewhere. I was down to 220 pounds yet I'm back to 236. I know most of it is because of stress eating and feeling like hell (thank you depression) but I have also slacked off. So hopefully I will lose weight and feel better. I also want to look better, but it's not for anyone else, only myself. I have never been happy with my looks. I guess the only thing I really like about myself are my eyes. Other than that I despise myself...everything. 
Still thinking about what to do with my relationship. I feel like it's not working out anymore. I don't feel the same way anymore. What's the point of trying if it's not fixable?
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Sorry for the lack of updates. I have been lazying around and trying to rest. Unfortunately, I am not sleeping as well as I should be. I woke up at 4 am last night and it has been like that for like 2 weeks now. Probably more. Today I sent an email to Preven, which is a government agency that deals with birth control and stuff (basically they help you pay for the methods), inviting them to our health fair on Thursday. I already got a confirmation from the Red Cross that they're attending the fair. I am also in charge of making the cakes to give to the guests. I hope tomorrow some of the people in my class give me the boxes of cake mix and frosting to make them. I also need to buy an extra baking pan so I could bake two cakes at the same time. Anyways, last Saturday my boyfriend was able to call me. He sounded a lot better than before although he is still on probation. He is supposed to come back this Saturday, if all goes well. I hope to see him soon. I miss him even though he's annoying sometimes. I guess I'm still not used to being with someone like this. I'm not good with relationships. Not even good with friendships. Ugh, I just want to finish classes and study for the nursing test. I hope to pass that damn thing in one shot and get my license and eventually a good job.
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 I received a letter from my boyfriend today. He's doing worse than I thought. Apparently he passed his midterms but because he forgot to flip a cup in the cafeteria, he is now on probation. I suppose it's because he's had a lot of warnings and punishments. Today they were going to let him know if they're going to revert him (restart the training or send him back). He is also going into some motivational program for 5 days (this would be the third time he's been there). I don't know what to think about this anymore. He is obviously doing horribly. I knew this wasn't for him. I called his mom to tell her about it and she said the same thing. Hopefully he'll pass everything and just come back. I'm also hoping he doesn't turn into an aggressive asshole.
I passed by my eye doctor today. I asked them to give me a sample pair of contact lenses. The Air Optix just isn't doing it for me. I prefer my Acuvue Oaysis lenses which were more comfortable. So I got a pair of those to make sure that the discomfort I feel in my eyes is either the lenses or because of a side effect from the birth control pills. I'm sure it's the lenses though. So I'll buy the Acuvue instead, same price.
I tried to play Rift tonight but it kept kicking me from the game. Not sure why. It was also kind of lagging on me. Sucks. I miss my laptop. Hopefully I will get it fixed soon because this one my boyfriend left me is crappy...Sony, heh. 


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