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Today I woke up feeling like hell because last night I was so hyper and couldn't sleep. I think I feel asleep at around 4 am and only because I forced myself. I got up at 12 pm and ate some tortillas with cheese, then had an applesauce for a snack. For lunch I had some cereal. I did 30 minutes of exercise on the treadmill. I wanted to do more but I was very exhausted and decided not to push myself. However, I did exercise for 50 minutes yesterday so it's fine to me. Hopefully tonight I could get better rest and do 40-50 minutes exercise tomorrow.

I have been feeling better than ever. I am happier, positive, stronger. I am not stressed out or constantly negative anymore. Being with that person did me more harm than good. I am glad that I decided to move on and work on focusing on myself. I have opened my eyes and my heart. I have learned to accept myself and my past events. I feel at peace with myself. I no longer need to put up with negativity. I will keep thinking only positive thoughts no matter how difficult the situation may be. I will not let myself fall once again. My mistake was depending on the wrong person in order to find happiness. I just ended up losing myself to someone who walked all over me. Nobody should ever make others feel bad just to make themselves feel superior and good about them.

I now smile more often. I laugh more. I no longer cry myself to sleep. I no longer feel that I have to change to please others. I am slowly picking up the pieces and putting my life together again. I have finished my Bachelor's degree in nursing with cum laud. Soon I will take the nursing state test (dunno how it's called?) and eventually find a job. I cannot wait to move on and find a better future.

I now find things to focus on to distract my mind. I have been watching anime (something I never did before), crocheting, reading more often, exercising, cooking, etc. So far it has been working fine. I love who I have become. Thank you mom for giving me strength.
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 I am not going to be talking so openly about my personal thoughts anymore, as there are people who dislike what I write about...even though it's MY blog, my facebook, my twitter. If you do not like what I write about, get the hell out. Simple. Everyone vents when they are angry, sad, depressed, etc. Why can't I do the same? But whatever. As I said, if you don't like it then don't read it.
Today I worked out earlier and studied some for my final nursing exam on Wednesday. Possibly will study some more later on. I want to do good on this test since it's worth 75% of the class I believe. In other words, if I don't pass it I won't graduate. I want to graduate and get away from that university. I also want to get everything together and get my provisional license so I can work. 
Today I realized that nobody is going to help me except myself. No professional, no friends, no family. Just me. I have accepted everything in my life. I have accepted that mom is no longer here physically. I have accepted that I will never be a stick figure. I have accepted change and I will achieve it, with or without you. Don't come tell me that you care and you wish to help. No you don't. If you did, you would have been there from the start. I don't need any of you, I can do this on my own. I will show you all that I am strong. And when you finally see this change, I will no longer accept YOU in my life.
Don't be "alarmed" by what I write or how I act. I'll be fine. I am fine. I am at peace and I am positive. Those who try to bring me down can just move along. Like I said, I don't need  you in my life.
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 Today officially starts my 1 week of Spring Break. Which isn't really a vacation since I have to finish a project for class. It's fine with me, it's not like I do much anyways. I'm not one to go out and hang out with people, or go to parties and get stupid drunk (I don't even drink btw). I'd rather stay home reading, watching movies or shows, playing games...sleeping. Sleeping is always nice.
I talked to my boyfriend's mom today. I was worried since I haven't heard from him in a while. Apparently they were given permission to make calls since they passed their midterms. They were only able to talk for 5 minutes though. I guess he's okay. He asked her to call me and let me know. So this is their 5th week, they complete training in about 3 weeks. I hope he passes. He has gone through a lot with this.
Nothing interesting has really happened. Just bored as usual. Been playing some Rift since I got bored of Guild Wars 2. That's something that bugs me about myself. I tend to get bored easily of stuff. But yeah. Now with this time off, hopefully I can catch up on finishing reading some books and watching some tv shows. Also, goal is to complete this project and just get it over with. I want to do well this last semester, so I am giving it my all.
I really need my laptop. I'm probably going to end up buying a new one or something because it's ridiculous. I have no money coming in, so it's making it even more difficult. I can't wait until I graduate, get my license and get my ass to work. I will have sweet money coming in for myself and to help out dad. I also need to buy my contact lenses...argh. So many things.


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July 2015

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